Sexualisierte Gewalt - erkennen, benennen, schützen

Sexualised violence has nothing to do with love

Abusive individuals may say things like:

"You provoked me. You wanted this." No—that's not love. No desire justifies crossing someone's boundaries.
“I really love you.” or “God wants this love.” No – that’s not love. Love allows space to breathe, to grow, and to choose freely. It does not take away your freedom.
“If you tell anyone, you’ll be sent away.” or “Then Mum will be sad.” No – that’s not love. Love does not silence; it creates freedom.
“You’re lying again, now I have to punish you.” or “This is your fault.” No—that's not love. These are manipulative tactics to make you submissive. It's not your fault.
“Stop making a fuss, you want it too.” No – that is not love. Sexuality must always be based on mutual consent. Even if you love someone, you have the right to say no – and your no must be respected.

Sexualised violence is not a momentary lapse.

It is often deliberately and carefully prepared - The timing is rarely accidental.
You have the right to say no. You have the right to seek help. You have the right to leave even if it doesn’t happen immediately. Even if you feel ashamed or unclean: You're not alone. You have the right to a life of self-determination. Sexualised violence has nothing to do with love.

No matter where you are —e.g. in English-speaking countries — there are people ready to help. A search engine can point you in the right direction. Here: Contact for those affected and those asking questions (in Germany):

Independent Commissioner for Child Sexual Abuse Issues of the Federal Government: 0800-22 55 530
Evangelical Church in Germany: (Mon to Fri from 9:00 to 18:00) 0800-5040602
Contact for the Catholic Church via the Internet
Other contacts (Sexual Abuse Helpline, White Ring – Helpline for Children and Parents – Violence against Women, Zartbitter etc.)

Find more support

Help, God, in our distress

How often the soul shatters
into a thousand shards of memory,
drowns in tears that never fell
loeses its footing,
falls and falls.
God—you unfathomable, silent, invisible force -
they say you are almighty
that you always will us good, life, love
but if that is true
then I don't see it.
Around me: destruction, abuse, and violence.
You do not intervene
you leave us alone.

You see them, the bruises
the battered bodies, the pain buried deep.
You feel the souls of children fear-struck,
the desperate rage of grown-ups.
You know the threatened life
in me and in the one beside me.
You hear the complaints, the cries, the pleas
and do not intervene.
Why, oh God?
I look out
far beyond myself
searching for my path,
the call I must now follow,
the person close to me,
whom I trust, who now needs me.

I seek you, God, life force in
human, in wind in
creature, in blossoming nature in
dance and drumbeat
in colour, word and music.
No, I do not understand you -
and yet I know,
deep within me, I know it truly:
Youare in life and death,
in joy and sorrow
You are with me and I am with you

© Christiane Lange – Initiative GottesSuche

What does Jesus say about harm done to children?

Jesus speaks with unmistakable clarity about the value of children—and the gravity of causing them harm.

As an example, here is the ForuM study commissioned by the Protestant Church in Germany.

Comparable investigations in English-speaking contexts may uncover similar patterns and challenges.. / On 25 January 2024, the independent ForuM research network published its findings on sexualised violence within the Protestant Church and its affiliated organisations. The results were deeply unsettling: the extent of abuse was far greater in the Protestant Church of Germany than previously assumed. read more

What the Independent Study Reveals – Facts and Reflections

Thousands of files were examined — including disciplinary records, personnel files, and other documents. The analysis reveals:
read more

The Catholic MHG study reveals a similarly troubling pattern read more

Despite the differing organisational structures of the two churches, both fostered environments in which sexualised violence could occur and persist.

Abuse is not just a problem of the churches

A widespread misconception persists: “Abuse only exists within the Catholic Church.” Yes, abuse within the Catholic Church has long been known. And for far too long, it was simply tolerated. read more

But sexualised violence is not confined to Christianity. It occurs in other major religions too Buddhism, Judaism, Islam. Often, it is rigid, “sacred” structures and unclear lines of responsibility that allow abuse to flourish.

And: Sexual violence also exists:
– in sports clubs
– in associations and organisations
– among friends
– in (children’s) homes
– in relationships and former partnerships
– and most frequently, within families
read more

The social response to abuse

Spiritual abuse: The invisible wound of sexualised violence

Sexualised violence within church structures always involves spiritual abuse.

For those affected, it can be incredibly difficult to rebuild trust – in themselves, in community, in their spirituality and sexuality. Breaking down is easy. Restoration takes time, support, and patience.

Sexual and spiritual violence leave deep scars. Yet healing is possible – through long-term support and the presence of safe spaces.

You can find further information on the topic of spiritual abuse [here]..

Hasn't enough been said about sexual abuse?

NO!

All FALSE MEMORIES?
NO!

"They're just making a fuss! There are these false memories – it's all made up! They're just against the Church!"
No, no and no again!

Of course, false memories exist – as they do in every other area. ut especially in cases of sexual abuse and sexualised violence, this argument is often exaggerated and used to trivialise the reality.

This misconception prevents:
read more

What does science say about false memories?

The argument of False Memories is often used to dismiss allegations of abuse. But scientific studies show the opposite: read more

Sexualised violence must not be dismissed as false memories.
What is needed are clear responsibilities, protective measures, and consistent accountability.

Attempt at Self-Reconciliation

I was still a toddler and thought

that’s just how fathers are.

Later, I tried to resist—

but he was stronger and there was no one else

for me

Then I forgot everything—except the hate.

That merciless gaze.

Through his eyes I saw myself:

just filth.

.

Now it’s time to finally make peace

with myself.

To understand who I was, and who I am.

To slowly find a home in the land of humanity.

And my father?

I leave him to You, God.

I know Your answer will be clear—

and he will hear it.

He must.

Carola Moosbach, Traces of Heaven: Prayers Through the Year and Day. Neukirche-Vluyn 2001, p. 107

What Survivors Can Do – What You Can Do You can do –

Time alone doesn't heal wounds – but you can take action.

Maybe you feel unsure. Maybe you’re afraid of being seen. Maybe you think it would be easier to stay silent. Maybe you’ve had painful experiences – your suffering was dismissed or denied. But you have the right to be heard.

Sexualised violence can only exist in systems that tolerate it. Perpetrators create dependency, enforce silence, and shift the blame onto victims. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone – and it doesn’t mean you have to stay silent. You no longer have to obey the perpetrator. read more

You have the right to say no. You have the right to ask for help.

Courage doesn’t mean being without fear. Courage means taking the next step despite the fear.

In Germany, you can find support in the following link.
Unabhängige Beauftragte für Fragen des sexuellen Kindesmissbrauchs.

Of course, help is also available outside of Germany.
If you're livingnot in Germany, help is still within reach. Try searching online for local support services. Take heart – you are not alone.

You are not just a victim.

You are a survivor.

What can people do if they’re not directly affected?

Sexual violence doesn’t just concern those who experience it – it affects all of us. Many people feel unsure about how to support survivors. Some have lived through violence themselves and feel powerless when it comes to protecting others.

Others find it hard to accept that such things really happen – perhaps even close to home. Thoughts like "I don't know anyone this has happened to" or "Abuse only happens in the church” are understandable, but they don't help.

But sexuaised violence happens everywhere. Looking away helps no one.

How can survivors be supported?

The event series “Time doesn’t heal wounds” The event series Time Doesn’t Heal Wounds, focusing on sexual violence within the Catholic Church – including a lecture by Professor Jörg M. Fegert (University Hospital Ulm, 2019) – shows how important it is to challenge and rethink the way we see survivors. Here are some key recommendations for those who want to help: read more

Why does this matter?

Sexualised violence often remains hidden because people don’t know how to respond.
But each of us can help create a space where survivors feel safe, supported, and never left alone.

Look. Listen. Take it seriously.

This is not love

Sexualised violence has nothing to do with love

No matter where you are —e.g. in English-speaking countries — there are people ready to help. A search engine can point you in the right direction. Here: Contact for those affected and those asking questions (in Germany):

Help, God, in our distress

What does Jesus say about harm done to children?

As an example, here is the ForuM study commissioned by the Protestant Church in Germany.

Abuse is not just a problem of the churches

The social response to abuse

Spiritual abuse: The invisible wound of sexualised violence

Hasn't enough been said about sexual abuse?

What does science say about false memories?

Attempt at Self-Reconciliation

I was still a toddler and thought

that’s just how fathers are.

Later, I tried to resist—

but he was stronger and there was no one else

for me

Then I forgot everything—except the hate.

That merciless gaze.

Through his eyes I saw myself:

just filth.

.

Now it’s time to finally make peace

with myself.

To understand who I was, and who I am.

To slowly find a home in the land of humanity.

And my father?

I leave him to You, God.

I know Your answer will be clear—

and he will hear it.

He must.

Carola Moosbach, Traces of Heaven: Prayers Through the Year and Day. Neukirche-Vluyn 2001, p. 107

What Survivors Can Do – What You Can Do You can do –

What can people do if they’re not directly affected?

CONTACT:

and: